Let me help you with that answer.
You don't ride to save money, stay in shape, or reduce your carbon footprint. You don't ride because you like "fresh air" or "nature". And you sure as hell don't get dressed up in tights to ride around in circles with a bunch of other pansies on the weekend.
You understand that a bicycle is nothing if not a fashion accessory. You're a McGregor man.
You ride for the girls.